Today I know.

To be honest some days I wonder why I do this.  Yes, I do mean to say that vaguely because I do wonder on more than one front.  This questioning feeling hits me both in my personal and professional life.  I wonder why do I put forth the effort? Why do I keep writing my blogs? Why do I keep trying to forge on in my photography?  Why do I keep hitting my head against the wall?

Some days I come up wanting to those answers.  I wish I could say that wasn't true but I do. I mean it would be a lot easier to just pursue a 9-5 job with benefits.  It would be a lot easier to go back to knitting as a hobby.

Today I know why.  For the photography, it is because I love to take pictures, but not just pictures of anything but of people and for the people of whom I have taken pictures.  Though it is hard and I loose steam long the way I am happy to breath deep and move on when I can remember what the effort is for.  For blogging besides a deep needed desire to write and connect with others it is because of you.  Yes, again meant that vaguely to whomever is reading this.  It is because of you and those who comment.  Like everyone else in the world I don't have this (life) figured out and I am on a journey of mistakes and it is great to know that I am not alone, to know that my experiences and thoughts can encourage others.

(no particular reason there are knives... just getting inspiration from my everyday.)

I ask this of you now:   If I am ever mean or rude or derogatory about another person on my blog or otherwise call me on it.  I desire to be better than I am but fail in so many ways.

So thank you.

Thank you for being here on this journey with me, for encouraging me and for doing life (at least part of your digital life) with me.

By Durham Wedding Photographer

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Making choices and making friends?

My bucket list is a sad looking list.  It is filled with mostly everyday stuff. A great example is that I literally have eat at my local Chinese takeout.  Why?  No, I don't like Chinese food.  Simply because I think it has the most amazing name ever "#1 China Wok".  Because not only do they show you they are authentic by the bad grammar, not only do they tell you exactly what you are going to get from the experience, not only do they give you great expectations but they also are the first listing in the phone book for Chinese.  Brilliant.

Yes, I finally got did my passport... now if only I would mail it out?  It's on the list, let's see if I can get it done.

OH, on an even more exciting note:I have a coffee date with Jim Colman in an hour and I am more than a little psyched!  This will be my first real conversation with 

any other Raleigh photographer.  After the Fix I decided to reach out to some local photographers, to give it 

another shot since it went so poorly the first time round and I'm so glad I did.  

By Durham Wedding Photographer

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Wallowing

I guess you could call it that.  Sitting on the couch feeling sorry for myself and being mopey.  I feel like a small child throwing a fit.  I didn't get my way so I will just stop functioning like a normal person for a while.

Why is it that is my emotional reaction?  Who wants to wallow?  What does it accomplish?  Yet, I wallow.

Did you ever put your hopes on something, I mean really hedge your bets and then see it crumble to dust in your fingers...

I can't help but stare at the dust and wonder if enough glue would make it fix it... make it all better.

Instead of making the logical decision to move on.  Find a new plan.  Learn to not hedge your bets.  If you have figured it out please tell me for I would love to know all the answers.  What peace of mind to just know.

I don't know what the fix is but I know that wallowing isn't so after I allow myself a few more moments of self pity I will pick myself up force myself to take a walk and then sit down and make a new plan.  Maybe have some juice!  (who knows it might be the fix ;P).

All the same if you are with me in a small puddle of wallow remember that sitting in it doesn't make the puddle go away... but a hair dryer might.

By Durham Wedding Photographer

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My heart in words

Do you ever see something that gives you hope?  I mean lifts your spirits on an otherwise sad day?  I moment of elation.

I sit here on the other side of cyberspace (yea, I pulled that word out), hands gently resting across keys releasing my truth.  Most days I sit here I and wonder "what in the world am I doing?".  It has been two years of hard work and effort to get where I am today in my business... and where is that?  No much in the realm of making money and being a full time gig.  In the name of making a difference on people's lives, enjoying life and meeting people we are sitting pretty good.  I was shocked my first steps into the blogging world.  Everyone was helpful, nice and encouraging.  When I first started in photography I looked around and asked some questions of a couple of photographers I knew of and got verbal elbows back.  I would see their status updates mocking other photographers.  I felt nervous and scared to share that I was even starting to venture out, "What will they say about me?"  From that to this world of comradeship is amazing.  Coming across photographers who are more than willing to "give back" to those of us begging for advice.  To see the encouragement that is this world of photography online: I am amazed.  Just in this last year I have been allowed to learn so much from reading other people's life stories, mistakes and tutorials given out so freely and openly.

Today is yet another edition of what is so great about the blogging community and online sharing between photographers.  Katelyn James, an amazing photographer out of Richmond, VA, is doing a give away: one spot to an amazing workshop where she takes time to give tips and thoughts on the world of photography.  A workshop that is personal just like her.  A workshop that I would die to go to but much like a lot of us it is difficult to drop the cash, when you don't have it, even if you know it is going to be amazing and such a help.

So this is my entry for a chance to win a day of encouragement, lessons, tips and community.  My chance to win getting to meet photographers in person who are willing to share their knowledge and care for each other.  My chance to take what I know and build from there and hopefully give it on to others just like me.  My chance to sit here most days hands typing away my hopes and dreams as I make them come true.

Thank you for the opportunity to place myself out there.  Thank you for this generous opportunity to learn from you.

By Durham Wedding Photographer

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Ready or not...

Everywhere I look I'm told to be myself.

Seems simple enough?  Well it is tell you are asked to do it.  I have been trying to have my photography (wedding specifically) take off for the last two years but I have been extremely focused this year.  Everything I read is all about branding.  "No matter what business you are in you need to define and maintain your "brand"".  

What does that even mean?  I have come to a place where I will make some assumptions about what that means: 

It means you have to define yourself.

It means you have to categorize yourself.

It means you have embody what you have defined and Categorized.

How do I define myself?

Seems somewhat simple, again... but again it is not so easy to define "yourself" in a way that is appealing.  It is like having to write an AD for yourself that will run from now until the end of time.  

How do I know?  

Who knew it is so hard to define yourself, to be yourself and to sell yourself?  

I'm a pretty confident person, ask my husband (he thinks a little too confident, at times), and "defining myself" didn't seem to daunt me in the slightest when I first heard it but know after trying it... Yea.

After a lot of thought I have decided to scrap any stringent line of what I "should be" or what I "want to be" and leave you with "who I am".  Boiled down to things about me that smack you in the face, in their simplest forms.

I am married to the love of my  life., my best friend and  business partner: Chris. 

Continuing on in this sickeningly sweet thought process (ready for your "Ahhhh" any moment now) Chris and I love to cook together.

I love media.  In all forms: art, music (though I just know what I like... not what is good), TV, movies, you name it and unfortunately for you I like to make references all the time.

I love sugar, a LOT too much but only I don't like cookies (save for Peanut butter... I mean really who can hate on some peanut butter cookies!)

I love fashion: including and not limited to hats!

I am pragmatic to a fault.

I am the youngest of five which has burdened the world with my desire to be heard: I am loud, out there and no one can stop me.

I believe in and trust in a true and loving God.

I don't know if that is what branding is "supposed" to look like but I don't care.  Here without finesse is who, in a small nutshell, I am.  

Ready or not world:

Here I come!

    

By Durham Wedding Photographer

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