Sunday, September 9, 2012

A wee bit lost...

I like to pretend I have arrived.  When people ask me what I do I proudly respond, "Wedding photographer" and that's what I am in my heart.  I have a passion for people; I love to spread joy.  But I often portray myself as more "together" than I am I think.  In my mind if I am as confident as a peacock then I'll start sprouting feathers I guess?

Truth be told, much like a lot of you, and nothing as moving or as powerful as those before me, I have a dream.  Each day I get up and I think over what can I be doing to move closer to that dream.  Don't get me wrong I am particularly there I do get the joy of shooting weddings but not as often as I would like.

I don't know about the rest of you but I read so much about my dream; all the blogs, articles and what not I can find about wedding photographers/wedding photography you name it and I get to see so many different people's perspectives.  I get lost in it at times.  I get the idea that there are "lots of right answers" but sometimes my head spins with the differences of opinions or I just don't even know where to begin.

In whatever it is you are passionate about, under water basket weaving if you will: do you ever just get lost in it all?  

Friday, September 7, 2012


Confession time:  I have a weird connection to celebrities.  Not what you'd think.  I don't pour over tabloids or even really read anything about them.  My connection is that I have a deep sympathy for them.  When I am buying my groceries and read about so and so split, custody battles or whatever I'm sad for them.  I mean I'd be sad for anyone but I am all the more sad for celebrities.  Why?  I know they have fame and money but I think their troubles become sport.  Not only do they have the same struggles (I'll be it at a completely different price bracket) as us but their pain is used to cause intrigue. Their pain is splattered across headlines, cemented into journalistic history.  On top of everything else I wonder how many true friends they have.  I hurt at the loneliness I imagine.  Yes, we all have or have had betrayal in our past or soon to come but could you imagine never being able to trust anyone... and all for something as trivial as money... or fame?

On a completely separate note:  I love me some blue bell... 

Thursday, September 6, 2012


I'm in love with water.

You think I joke but no really: I have an affair going on with water.  I like water to drink.  I love water to cook.  I love water to splash on my face.  I love the clean feeling a nice shower can have.  I love frozen water.  When sick I love vaporized water.  I love misters at theme parks.  I love relaxing in a tub of hot water and oils after a long day.  I love sprinklers that remind you of when it was ok to run around your lawn in your bathing suit and be entertained by a hose with holes and I desperately and passionately love water that is large enough in which I can submerge myself.

I love swimming in that submerge-able water.  I can't get enough of swimming.  Never have been able to, since I was a kid.  As a small child I would stay in the pool till that very last second.  You know what I am talking about.  Your mom called you said you have 5 min.  You wait till your mom has packed everything up and is starting to walk towards the car and you slowly (keeping yourself fully submerged as long as possible) pull yourself out of the water and sadly make your way to the car.  Internally, since I am now the one who has to determine when that time to leave is, I am still that kid... 

Monday, September 3, 2012

Balancing act

So I was reading Good Housekeeping today, yes... I do apparently do that?  Side note to my Dentist: You might want to update your magazine selection.  Women enjoy things that are outside the home and men enjoy more then ESPN and both really enjoy not reading a magazine from March.... just saying.

All the same, I was sitting waiting patiently for my time to have my teeth shined and I picked up the only magazine that interested me and that was solely to do with Kelly Ripa being on the front cover.  I fell head over heels for her way back in high school, home sick and enjoying every minute of it.  In case you haven't picked up on it I am like the worst story teller in all the world cause I want to throw in all this information that seems to be important to me but according to my husband it is not so important to other people; all the same I will share it cause it is my story.

I missed the point of the article, if there was one, but basically what I took away from it is either Kelly--yes we are on a first name basis--is pretty neat.  I could almost hear her voice as I read over her responses to the journalist.  She told a story that effected me.  As she was going about answering questions about her family life, specifically kids.  The journalist asked her if she had ever burst out at her kids and she told this story about a long day of work returning home hungry greeted by a sitter praising her wonderful kids before skirting the coming disturbance.  All the kids awoke all asking her to do this or not do that (seeing as she does have a teenager that likes to repeatedly remind her that he wants her to be in no contact with him or his life).  With each request she told them all to go back to bed and each continued on.  Weary from her long day she sat down in tears.  Her two sons quickly skirted back to the privacy of their rooms and the daughter offered, "want me to rub your feet".  Kelly slumped shoulders and all tearfully said, "No, I want you to obey me and go to bed."

This story has stuck with me.  At the end of the article I felt close and at home with Kelly as a person but it made me wonder is she really just that transparent in interviews or she is amazing and sharing just enough information that you feel like her best friend.  Either way I feel like she kept a good balance of her life being private and her being real.  It made me wonder if I could manage the same in her situation.

So often I tend to be an all or nothing kind of person.  It is easier for me to exercise everyday.  If I take a day off I take another and finally just don't exercise.  I used to be, if you can believe it, a really internal person.  I have some serious trust issues and to keep myself "safe" I just didn't share, well anything.  All that changed, obviously.

Why is it so hard to keep balance and why can't I just have some training wheels like I did when I was a kid?