Monday, September 26, 2011

Out of the element but still real

Do you ever wish to just be... oh a great deal many things?  I wish to write a piece of art.  A work that makes life.  No, not simple something come to life but life itself.  I wish to travel the globe touching peoples life.  As very "Green peace" as this may seem.  I love to make someone having a bad day smile.  I want to lift spirits.  I want to spread the joy, the joy I have but not of me.  I want to make a difference to people.  Much like most I have always been the person who roots for the underdog, who longs to make the lost looking person in the class seem at home.  I want to write a musical and see it come to life.  I want to bake.  For no reason other than to make things tasty and that taste great with milk.  I want to cook a 7 course meal and actual want to eat it by the end (always get sick of what I am cooking by the time the tasting and prep is done).  I want to capture the beauty that is this life... this gift that we have been given.  No matter how long we are here... I want to enjoy each moment.  I want not to have to remind myself not to have to stress over the small things or to relax and let go of my irritation over not getting my way.  I want life.  I want it fully.  I want joy and I want it unceasing.  I want inspiration and the drive to follow it.

It is for all of these reasons that I do what I do.

 My deepest desire with my photography: I want to capture of the moments that pass by, both big and small.

This is a seemingly out of "style" post.  More often then not I share the way I have captured life, and done mostly with sarcastic quibs, but let's be honest that is really me.  But amidst my love of humor and my limited ability to deliver my lines, forcing me to go the my standard: sarcasm, there is this deep seated desire.  It gets overwhelming when I stop to think about it.  I feel silly.  Silly that I could legitimately desire so much and actually want to follow after it all.  Mortified that I can't seem to follow after "one" dream.  My dear sister in law once told me "It is great you have a generous heart and with it so many desires but you can only be great at a limited number of things.  There is that saying 'If you're going to wear a lot of hats, they got to be small ones'."  Is it true I'm doomed to mediocrity?  Is that acceptable?

This is an odd thing to share, I know oh too well.  If and when I press "Publish Post" I may or may not have a quivering hand.  It is one thing for this reformed isolationist to divulge to my dear close friends but to place my inner thoughts out onto the "bidding table" is a whole other story.  For many this is way more than you ever wanted to know, and if so that's fine you are more then welcome to laugh it off for it is what I would do. I feel the need to share it because I stated from the beginning that I wanted to be real.  To show the "real" me, ugly and imperfect as it may be.


  1. The fall leaf is very lovely.

    I sometimes find it easier to be "real" on my blog than in real life. It is a great place and way to express myself.

    I do not believe you are mediocre or that you are doomed to be. Every little thing positive adds up to a lifetime of greatness.

  2. Sounds like you are searching to fill a hole in your heart... and while some things may fill it temporarily, there's nothing except one thing that can truly make you feel complete and whole! But I also hear how I want to make my photography mean something... :)

    Love the bright light colors, the almost abstractiveness of it. :)

  3. I feel like you crawled into my chest and grabbed a little piece of my heart to press it here with yours. I feel so many of these same things, and even more the desire to serve the master for his glory and not my own, yes even with the pictures that I take.
    The struggle is there, I get ya!
    I think your photo suits your post impeccably!!